Tiffany and Tuesday Taylor

Crissy dolls let you change their hair length, Blythe dolls let you change their eye color. And then along came Tiffany (the big one) and Tuesday (the Barbie-sized one) Taylor, who let you change her hair color.

I loved Tuesday, but she was an odd duck. In addition to the hair that you could turn halfway around, her hands popped off at the wrist. So really, if you wanted a Barbie-style doll to be tortured in kidnapping and other scenarios, she was perfect.

The hair thing was weird, but it was also really cool. If you liked Charlie's Angels but couldn't decide if Kelly or Jill was your favorite angel, you could switch back and forth with impunity.

And she had some super-sweet TV commercials, too.



A young Brooke Shields is in this second one!




That suntan tattoo thing is really weird...

Classic Clip Monday: The Final Countdown

I'm hardly a hair-band connoisseur -- I don't really know my Wingers from my Warrants -- but even I recognize '80s permy perfection: Europe. When the synth-tastic opening notes of the Swedish rockers' "The Final Countdown" first hit radio airwaves in 1986, who could have predicted that the tune would still be floating around in our much-less-hairless heads today?

No, the lyrics haven't exactly aged as well as the melody: "We're heading for Venus, and still we stand tall." Um, what now? But still, pro sports teams, wrestlers and even magicians -- "Arrested Development's" GOB Bluth being the most perfect example -- have used the "doodle-DO-do, doodle-DO-DO-DO" anthem to rev up crowds over the past 25 years. How could we forget it?

Thanks to this phenomenal list of the 10 worst "Final Countdown" renditions from UpVenue, we don't have to. The original hit #1 in 25 countries, but it doesn't hold a lit lighter to the "kazookeylele" version.

Here's a taste -- you're welcome.

Funky Food Friday: Velamints

Remember Velamints? They were a squarish sugar-free mint with kind of a divot in the center, as I recall, that came in a gum-like pack.

But they were best known for their ads, in which people rode their horses through snowy mountains or did other things to remind you how icy and wonderfully fresh their mints were. ("Velamints took the sugar out, you can reeeeeeally taste the mint! So fresh, they take your breath away! Smooth refreshing VELAMINTS!")

At the time they were popular, I was more a candy-chomping kid than a suave mint-popping adult, but damn if I didn't find the ads hypnotizing.

This article says they were introduced in 1977, which seems about right. Apparently they still make them, with a new look, and they're now sweetened with Truvia. Not exactly sure if it's the same recipe--I seem to remember chocolate and vanilla flavors. Anyone else?

Music Box Dancer

I had to laugh recently when someone posted a question to Ask Metafilter asking for the name of a 1980s hit instrumental that he or she thought was called "Ballerina." Because of course, I knew that wasn't the name, but I instantly knew the song meant was "Music Box Dancer," and now that tune is stuck in my head semi-permanently. (And perhaps in yours. Sorry 'bout that.)

I don't know a kid from the 1980s who can't hum this song, and those of us who took piano lessons most likely played it at a recital as well. But I learned more about the song from the Ask Metafilter question.

Someone pointed out that it is often played by ice-cream trucks. (I think the one in my neighborhood plays "Reuben, Reuben" but it may have a variety of tunes.) Another person pointed out that there are at least two versions -- the Frank Mills hit (video below) and one by Richard Clayderman. (Frank Mills, by the way, has nothing to do with the awesome "Hair" hit of the same name. I like the Lemonheads cover.)

Also, I had no idea there were lyrics. But I had the music box -- didn't every girl? And for just $10 at Amazon, I may have to buy one for Kelly sooner rather than later.

The Fat Boys Meet The Beach Boys

The '80s were all about weird combinations -- we're talking to you, leg warmers and high heels -- and radio definitely contributed its share to the pop-culture mash-up. Take The Fat Boys teaming up The Beach Boys (!) for a remake of the Surfaris' hit "Wipeout" in 1987.

It was unexpected, but to paraphrase a certain peanut-butter-cup ad, it was two great sounds that sounded great together. America went for it -- it hit #12 on the Billboard charts.

Sure, Run-D.M.C. and Aerosmith blazed a similar path the year before with "Walk This Way," but still...

What was the weirdest '80s musical team-up?

Planet of the Apes: New movie coming in 2011

Who didn't love the "Planet of the Apes" movies? The series devolved from "wow, what was that?" Statue of Liberty shock into "yet another cheesy sequel, this time mutants are worshipping a nuclear bomb" pretty fast, but that doesn't mean we weren't (and still aren't) riveted every time they came on TV.

And thanks to the fact that we all grew up with basically five channels, the "Apes" movies were ALWAYS on, especially on weekends, especially on whatever the independent channel was in your area that really didn't have any money for anything else to show.

The "Apes" just would not die. In addition to the movies, there was a short-lived TV series, a cartoon, comic books, novelizations (and the whole thing was based on a novel) and more. Then, of course, in 2001 Tim Burton remade the original film. (In the Wikipedia entry, even Burton admits the ending was confusing.)

But did you realize that there is yet ANOTHER remake/reboot of "Planet of the Apes" on its way? Next year, "Rise of the Apes" will hit theaters. They're shooting now in Vancouver, and it sounds like it's a prequel to the whole series, showing how man experimented on apes and thus led to them gaining wisdom and eventually taking over. But I don't like the idea that the apes will be CGI.

What were your favorite memories of the series? Roddy McDowell? The masks? "You maniacs! You blew it up!" "Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!" The Forbidden Zone? The Statue of Liberty scene? Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius on "The Simpsons"? Ape Lincoln? Ricardo Montalban? The mutants' hymn to the bomb?

My favorite is in "Escape from the Planet of the Apes" when the scientist apes, Zira and Cornelius, are on trial and they ask if the male can speak, and he says "Only when she lets me."

Classic Clip Monday: Osmonds 1978 Christmas Special

Perusing my sister's DVD shelf, I almost fell over when I saw she had "The Osmonds 1978 Christmas Special." Of course I had to borrow it and watch it. (It's actually for sale at Amazon if you just must see it...)

It is truly hilarious, but it kind of leaves you with a good feeling. Sure, the Osmonds are corny and their music never rocked the house, but I don't think you can doubt that they love each other. In this special, all nine Osmond kids (Poor Marie was the only girl!) get together at some huge house in the middle of snow, ride horses and snowmobiles, clown around in stupid skits (ho ho ho, the boys can't cook!) and sing, sing, SING!

Fun tidbits: Donny had just married his wife, Debbie, so they don't have kids yet. Debbie and all the Osmond wives are lovely in a very 1970s hairdo way, although Debbie is perhaps the prettiest. The two oldest Osmonds, Virl and Tom, who are deaf, do sign language for one of the songs. The Osmond parents don't actually look that old--they were in their late 50s-early 60s--and the two Osmond grandmothers even show up at one point and look pretty darn spry, too. Marie strikes you as kinda desperate in a weird way -- she gets the dumbest jokes -- and Jimmy's feathered hair makes him a dead ringer for Kristy McNichol. But like I say, in the end, it made me want to grab my own huge family and have Christmas together, even though it's August.

Funky Food Friday: Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips

When we were kids, fish was not that commonly served in midwestern households. Our parents' palates were not that adventurous and we kids thought fish smelled funny, except for fish sticks and Filet O' Fishes at McDonald's, and the occasional fish Dad would fry up from his trip up North with his buddies.

But we do remember going to a chain called Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips. We knew it was British-tinged, but we didn't know its namesake was a Brit actor famed for playing a butler. (He was also Constable Jones in "Mary Poppins" -- now that, we saw!)

Bluntly, we didn't mind Arthur Treacher's fish because it wasn't fishy. It was the first place we had ever seen malt vinegar, which soaked the fries and after a while, seemed like an acceptable condiment. I seem to remember the wallpaper was fake British newspapers, perhaps referencing the famed newspaper-wrapped fish and chips of jolly old England. They also had a green-and-yellow lantern sign in front of each location. Some signs now have been repurposed to hawk whatever business replaced them.

According to Wikipedia, the chain served Icelandic codfish until it was sold in 1979 to Mrs. Paul's, of frozen fish stick fame, who "immediately replaced the Icelandic codfish with less expensive pollock."

Dunno if that had anything to do with it, but it was about that time that Arthur Treacher's started to vanish, at least from our area. The one we went to became a Winchell's Donuts, I think. Apparently there are 45 left in 8 northern states. They seem to be connected with a chicken place I never heard of -- Pudgie's. (Is naming your chain after a nickname for "chubby" ever a good idea? We're looking at you, BLIMPIES?)

Do you remember this chain? There are a few other fish chains out there -- Long John Silver's, H. Salt -- were they a part of your childhood? (Note that in the oh-so-Seventies 1979 commercial below, they actively try and downplay the fish.)

Joey Lawrence is back again? Whoa.

My theory is this: In Hollywood, cute child stars-to-be are cultivated in a big greenhouse, like mop-topped, catchphrase-spewing orchids.

This must be the way little Joey Lawrence found his way to TV, when he joined the cast of "Gimme a Break!" in 1983. He was too danged cute to have been anything but created in a lab. Sure, he'd done some other stuff (including guest stints on "Diff'rent Strokes" and "Silver Spoons"), but his bowl haircut and cherubic face wriggled their way into America's heart when he moved in as Nell Carter's foster son.

Where many child stars' careers wither, Lawrence's kept chugging along, notably as the dim, "Whoa!"-spouting Joey Russo on "Blossom." Then, he starred with his two little brothers -- whose names I could never remember, so I just called them WHOA, Whoa and whoa -- in a sitcom called "Brotherly Love," which ran from '95 to '97.

And now, this week, he's back on the tube, starring with another former child star -- "Sabrina" and "Clarissa Explains It All"'s Melissa Joan Hart -- in the very creatively named "Melissa & Joey." Truly, it is a rare show where Lawrence's character is not named Joey.

Gone is his Dorothy Hamill hairstyle, but you've gotta admit: Joey is the Energizer Bunny of child stars. Dude knows how to keep finding work. Whoa.

Here's a clip of the little guy on "The Tonight Show" in 1982:

Hong Kong Phooey, number-one super guy!

Who didn't love Hong Kong Phooey? Martial-arts and Bruce Lee were taking off in the 1970s, so Hanna-Barbera came up with this doggy janitor extraordinaire.

He worked at the police station and really wanted to solve crimes, but somehow always messed up. He found out about the crimes through helpful Rosemary, the police station phone operator (remember when there were telephone operators in almost every plot?).

Scatman Crothers did his voice -- how cool is that?

And, of course, there is reportedly a Hong Kong Phooey movie due out in 2011. (Haven't heard anything about it recently, so I'll believe that when I see the film hit theaters.)

Yes, the revolution will be televised, and your childhood will be monetized.

"A Different World"

Show spinoffs have to rise and fall on their own merits. Some, like "Laverne & Shirley" and "Mork & Mindy," pulled in their own audiences and did well. Others, like the "Alice" spinoff "Flo," (KISS MAH GRITS!) just don't sell.

In 1987, the uber-popular "Cosby Show" spun off "A Different World," but not without some trouble. Denise Huxtable (Lisa Bonet) was off to college, so it seemed a good time to start a new show set at her fictional historically African-American college, Hillman. (Which was supposed to be in Virginia, although I always thought it was in Georgia.)

As a white suburban kid, I had little to no knowledge of historically black colleges before watching this show. And while it was no "Cosby," "Different World" was addictive, thanks to Jasmine Guy and Kadeem Hardison. It was a little more issuey than "Cosby," and sometimes got preachy, but the characters were fun. Denise Huxtable quickly faded from prominence thanks to Lisa Bonet getting pregnant and being dropped to recurring-only roles (that baby is now singer Zoe Kravitz, 21).

If you remember, Denise began the show with some white friends, including Marisa Tomei, but those characters quickly fell away after the first season and the show focused on depicting the black community. Things like mammy dolls, college step teams, the L.A. riots and more were worked into the show. Tupac Shakur, Lena Horne, Billy Dee Williams, Leslie Uggams and Diahann Carroll all played roles.

It was a fascinating show for social reasons as well as comedy and sitcom ones, but it also had its own supercouple of sorts -- Whitley and Dwayne. The southern belle Whitley (and when had we ever seen a black southern belle on TV before?) and goofy geeky Dwayne made a novel couple, and when he busted up her wedding, "The Graduate" style, it seemed only natural that they wed. But of course the show slipped after that -- you can never let your main lovers be happy -- but "A Different World" was fun while it lasted.

Classic Clip Monday: Whatsamatta you? Hey!

Oh, I know you remember this novelty song from the 1980s. Joe Dolce (who?) sings "Shaddap You Face," which somehow wormed its way into my brain in high school and became one of those songs, and phrases, you just can't get out of your head. Also, the singer sounds like Father Guido Sarducci to me.

In addition to being the opening line of the song, Whatsamatta U, or Wossamatta U, was Bullwinkle's alma mater. It's also highlighted in a funny "My Name Is Earl" episode where Earl comments that he thought Frostburg State University was just a made-up college from Bullwinkle, and Randy corrects him that no, they LIVED in Frostbite Falls. (Apparently the real Frostburg State is in Maryland, but doesn't the name make it sound like it should be in Minnesota?)

Funky food Friday: Burple? Yes, Burple!

Reach waaay back into your memory banks for this one. Who remembers Burple?

My memories of it are really dim, but it was a Kool-Aid like drink that came in a squeezy, accordion-like container.

Retroland has some great memories of it, and says it only came in grape (purple Burple!) and orange flavors, which seems pretty limiting right there. (Wikipedia says it also had cherry and strawberry, which seems right.) Check out this commercial. Who remembers it now?

Bangles vs. Go-Gos

Everybody knows who they'd pick when it comes to Beatles vs. Stones, but there's an equally important musical question to ponder: Stuck in the ‘80s covered this a few years back, but I thought it was worth revisiting: Who’s the better band, the Bangles or the Go-Gos?

Both of these all-girl groups cranked out poppy, memorable and decidedly '80s melodies. But which one's, uh, got the beat?

Your honor, the evidence:

Bangles?
1. His Royal Purpleness, Prince, wrote "Manic Monday" -- that's some musical cred, right there.

2. "Hazy Shade of Winter" is an awesome '80s take on the Simon & Garfunkel classic.

3. "Walk Like an Egyptian" was based on the famous T.S. Elliot poem. OK, not really. But it was a great, goofy song.

4. Guitarist Micki Steele was in the Runaways with Joan Jett.

5. Susanna Hoffs.

Go-Gos?
1. Just try to get "We Got the Beat," "Vacation" and "Head Over Heels" out of your head.

2. They've got the stats: Two covers of Rolling Stone, compared to the Bangles' zero.

3. And the Go-Gos were ranked #76 on VH1's list of the "Greatest Women in Rock & Roll." Bangles didn't make the list.

4. They're generally considered to be less fluffy than their Bangly counterparts.

5. Belinda Carlisle.


So, what do you think?

Sleestaks are scary!

This song is stuck in my head. Warning: Watch the video and you may end up with it stuck in yours.

Behind the scenes on the 'Street'

The Retroist posted a fun clip of Muppets Murray and Ovejita (the lamb in "Murray had a little lamb") shooting a "Sesame Street" episode on a NYC street. It's funny to see the puppeteers in action!

Merlin, you're magical!

We eased into computers, our generation did. We started slow, with Simon and Atari 2600 and Pong and The Little Professor calculator and MERLIN.

Merlin was red and looked kind of like an early cell phone, not that we knew that back then. By modern standards, you couldn't do much with it -- you could play six simple games, against friends or the computer. (One, Echo, was a lot like Simon, actually.)

Merlin was the best-selling game of 1980. I never had one, but I know at least one of my friends or cousins did. It was pretty cool, and seeing kids walking around holding it and playing it (you really couldn't WALK with Simon) was like a precursor of today's kids and their handheld games and smart phones of all kinds. Today it looks enormous and simplistic, but back then it was a treasure indeed.

Did you have Merlin? Did a friend? What early computer substitutes were your favorites?

Defunct Disney

10 things I miss about Disneyland.

People always mock "It's a Small World," but damn if "Country Bear Jamboree" wasn't just as scarring.

Blue, blue, red, gree-BLUE! I MEANT BLUE!

Oh, Simon. I loved you so. I suspect you gave me RSI, but you were still a favorite.

Operator, can you help me place this call?

Songs about outdated technology.

This list is only going to get longer. Think of all the once-ubiquitous inventions we've left in the dust in just the past few years.

Ancient Evenings

At my Catholic all-girls high school, most of the library was dedicated to reference and nonfiction. There was one small room off the main room that housed all the fiction. It was jammed with books and had no place to sit except the floor. Which, for some reason, you were not supposed to sit on.

But there were only a few windows into the room, and they were high up and awkward to see into. So I probably spent hours sunk down into that floor with novels piled around me, putting off studying (we had modular scheduling, so would sometimes have hours of free time -- er, unscheduled time -- between classes).

I don't remember a lot of the books I read -- I read everything. Some classics, some garbage, some that wasn't either. But I do remember reading Norman Mailer's "Ancient Evenings," which was published in 1983, so it was just new when I was a sophomore or junior. AND OH MAN IS IT DIRTY! Mailer being a respected man of letters, the nuns probably ordered up the book and never looked back. But there was aaaalllll kinds of sex. I mean, I guess there's a plot too -- it's set in ancient Egypt, and there are gods and slaves and pyramids, reincarnation and harems and temples and whatnot. Which I am sure I would appreciate now, but at the time, that book practically FELL OPEN to the dirty parts. OF WHICH THERE ARE MANY.


Do you have a fondly remembered dirty book -- or a book you thought was dirty at the time? Did you pass Judy Blume's "Forever" around the school bus, or steal "Joy of Sex" from your friend's hippie mom? Do tell.

Classic Clip Monday: Bradys at the supermarket

We've probably all seen every "Brady Bunch" episode ever made (although for years I didn't see the one with the weird little aliens, leading me to invent the Klaputis, my name for an episode of a long-dead series that you somehow missed).

But for some reason, the 1971 episode where the Bradys are spotted at the supermarket and hired to star in a laundry soap commercial kind of fascinates me. (The YouTube clip has disabled embedding, but that link takes you to the first part of the episode on video.)

The supermarket they come out of in the first scene is so different than the grocery store we went to. There seem to be giant office buildings behind their store -- mine was in a small suburban strip mall just off the freeway, surrounded mostly by trees. A giant sign proclaims it was OPEN 24 HOURS -- common now, but rare to almost unheard of in the 1970s. Every car in the parking lot appears to be a hot sports car. And Carol, of course, sports a deep pink pantsuit. There's even a weird little bit where Bobby plays with the automatic doors. And don't you wish the cameras could take us inside the store? I'd love to see the 1970s products, labels and displays.

The episode gets weirder. The Bradys decide they can't do a commercial endorsing a soap unless they really prefer it to all others, so they get the kids all dirty a bunch of times and keep rewashing their clothes. It's a Very Mike Brady thing to do. Speaking of which, we all know Robert Reed had some serious Ahhhh-ctor issues with the show, and this episode especially was a thorn in his side, apparently. He wrote a letter of complaint to show creator Sherwood Schwartz about it, especially noting the stupidity of the character of the director who signs them up for the ad (played by ventriloquist, Tigger voice, AND ARTIFICIAL HEART INVENTOR Paul Winchell).

I just love how weird this episode is. The soaps all have excruciatingly simple names, like Safe and Best. Carol turns to a weird friend, Myrna (pronounced Meeeeeer-nah) for bad acting help. It just goes on and on, right up till the end when they get paid in soap, as in trucks packed full of the stuff.

And if you're ever looking for the actual grocery store, or any other Brady landmark, consult this page, which nails filming addresses for almost every episode. The store they show is labeled Mayfair Market, which apparently was bought by Gelson's, and it sounds like this specific one is located in Hollywood, right by Paramount, where the Brady Bunch filmed. This grocery store site confirms, with photos.

Remember this episode, or want to share any other random Brady Bunch thoughts? Or want to track down where a certain old scene was shot? Post in the comments.

RIP Lorene Yarnell

Lorene Yarnell, one half of the 1970s dance-mime duo Shields and Yarnell, has died.

They had their own variety show! Who remembers it?

Also, their 1972 wedding was performed in mime. Does that make it not legal?

It's fun to mock mimes, but man, they were kinda good at it. Rest in peace, Ms. Yarnell.

Catching up

During the week, we post even more Gen X links on our Facebook page. Here are some of the best from this past week.

--Let us now praise the inventors of great junk food, from Cracker Jack to Dubble Bubble.

--Which GenXer are you? The brain, the jock, the princess, the rebel, the nutcase? None of the above? A little of each?

--Personally, I grew up with Shasta, but loved this little article from Slate about why Fanta is so much more popular abroad than in the U.S. Fanta, Fanta, FANTA!

--Sea Monsters meet Star Wars.

--An old-school arcade in NYC. But a friend says it's not the same since the tic-tac-toe playing chicken died.

--"And then the conversation turned...until the sun went down...and many fantasies were learned...on that day." Kingsford charcoal uses a slowed-down version of "Keep Feeling Fascination" in a great ad.

--There is a Play-Doh fragrance.

--Pac-Man cabinet made out of LEGO.

--History of adventure games. Aw Sierra games, I loved you so.

--Jo on "Facts of Life" has a heart-to-heart with an early computer.

You can share your fave retro links with us too! Email them to genxtinct@gmail.com or post them in the comments, either here or on Facebook. You can also follow us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/genxtinct.

Funky Food Friday: Original New York Seltzer

Man, I loved The Original New York Seltzer (add in the "The" so you can abbreviate it as TONYS).

It was so cool in so many ways. The squat glass bottles! The flavors, which I think were always clear! The fizziness! The peel-off-able foamy-feeling labels! And I think for those of us who didn't grow up on the East Coast, there was a weird cachet to the idea of seltzer water that was kind of cool.

Here's one man's memories of the drink. (Yes, he remembers the labels.)

One of the founders of the company, Randy Miller, a pretty young guy at the time, went on to train exotic animals for movies. Here's his bio from TONYS days, and here's his Web site. And below I've embedded a great clip of him on "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," the ultimate 1980s show. Includes a classic TONYS commercial. I wish this stuff was still around.

RIP, Ty-D-Bol Man

Dan Resin, the actor who played the Ty-D-Bol Man, has died at age 79.

"Caddyshack" fans (and who isn't one?) will remember him as Dr. Beeper, but man, it's hard to overshadow his role as the guy in the little boat sailing around the toilet. My parents never bought the stuff and I never understood why -- it looked so cool to me as a kid when I'd go to a friend's house and their toilet water was BLUE. To a kid, that seemed uber-classy. Now it just seems kinda gross. I remember in "Retro Hell" one of the contributors says when they lost water in an earthquake, all their neighbors were coming over to borrow water from their toilet tank because they couldn't use their own--it was Ty-D-Bol tainted.

And I can't think of that little guy in the boat without thinking of a Carol Burnett Show skit (couldn't find the video -- can anyone?) where she flushes him.

"You can call me Ray, you can call me Jay..."

There are commercials you can’t get out of your head, and then there’s Ray J. Johnson, who took earworms to a whole new level with his “You can call me Ray, you can call me Jay, but ya doesn’t has to call me Johnson” schtick. The comedian –- real name: Bill Saluga -- elbowed his way into the pop culture consciousness in Anheuser Busch Natural Light commercials of the late ‘70s, with Norm Crosby. Woe to you if your name was Ray, Jay or Johnson -- you got an earful of catchphrase every time you introduced yourself.

Over the years, Ray J. has popped up as a frequent punchline on “The Simpsons,” and no barb was more perfectly served up than when Krusty the Clown mentioned that the only bad show he put on was the one Ray J. co-hosted. “That thing was funny for about three seconds,” Krusty said. Amen, clown. Amen. Still, Saluga rode the Ray J. wave for years – even putting out a disco song (“Dancin’ Johnson”) in 1979.

Another ride down the Oregon Trail

Just two weeks ago, we chatted about Oregon Trail, and now comes the most creative tribute to the classic educational video game we've seen yet. Check out this faux movie trailer (but watch out -- don't get dysentery!):

Classic Clip Monday: It's not nice to fool Mother Nature

Oh, this is one of those unforgettable retro commercials: "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!"

Margarine ads were awfully creative back then. Remember the Imperial Margarine crown?

Apparently Mother Nature also made an appearance in RainX advertising.